Celebrity Spotting Part 3

My business meeting in London finished early yesterday. This came as a relief because I was concerned that I would, otherwise, have spent most of the night trying to get my car unclamped.
You see, in order to save money my company insists that we book train tickets in advance. An open first class return ticket from Crewe to Euston costs nearly £300 but if you book in advance and are prepared to travel off peak you can get tickets for a half decent price.

Yesterday I was travelling both ways for a total of £90 but only if I travelled out on the 09.53 and returned on the 19.46. But, when I got to the car park at Crewe station it was full. Damn. Parking is rare at Crewe and I didn't want to take the chance that other regular commuters seem to do and park at B&Q. I suppose I could have parked near Crewe Alexander's stadium but was a) not sure there wasn't a game on that night and b) was not sure I had time to get there, park and walk back to the station in time to catch my train.

My only option was to use one of the pay and displays around the corner. I had no option. Imagine my concern when I noticed that my maximum stay was 10 hours with a fine of £70 to be paid for infringing this. But, if I was to continue with my planned schedule I would be parked there for at least 12 hours. But, I had no option.

So it was a huge relief when we finished two hours ahead of schedule and my boss agreed that I could buy a new ticket to get home. £147!!!! How on earth can they justify these prices?
£147 bought me a seat in first class, complimentary cups of tea, a couple of red wines, a hot meal, cheese and biscuits and the Evening Standard. And, I found myself sat next to the Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith and her entourage. If you see red tickets where the normal reserved labels go it must mean reserved for VIPs.

I was sat next to the window in the single seating. Jacqui sat next to me with a vacant seat between us at the group of four, together with a couple of aids. Her minders (three) sat behind her and surprisingly paid little attention to me. I was amazed at the seeming lack of security. Now, I know I don't look like your average Taliban fighter or shoe bomber but I could have been, well anyone. The rest of the carriage was surprisingly empty, so, they could even have asked me to move.

I am sure that most people would have walked past Jacqui and her gang without a second glance. She was discreet and certainly wasn't trying to draw any attention to herself. She was quietly spoken, polite and jovial with the Virgin staff and her colleagues, and not showing any of that cleavage which got her into so much trouble at the beginning of her stint as Home Secretary. Indeed, she was a bit drab and close up she looked a little plumper than I had thought and her double chin is definitely giving birth to a third.

So, the journey was great for people watching and listening in to private conversations. Jacqui ate the trout and skipped dessert in favour of a chocolate cluster; she drank two G&Ts (full fat tonic, ice and lemon) but refused a third; and, spent the whole journey as far as Crewe (apparently she was en route to Blackpool) working on a speech in PowerPoint on her laptop.

She had a battered old mobile with a cracked screen which she used only twice - once to phone her dad to remind him to watch the Party Election Broadcast on the BBC at 18.55 (he had to take his hearing aid out to hear her properly) and once when she seemed to be chatting to a child and confirming that the choice of broccoli and courgettes was very good indeed.

There was very little interaction with her colleagues. She sat opposite an older woman who did nothing but read newspapers. At one point they exchanged a joke over the story in the Evening Standard of Kate Hoey joining Boris' team in the event of him becoming Mayor of London. There was a young twenty something (but looked about twelve) lad who was smartly and trendily dressed. He helped her with her cables and saving her presentation but otherwise played on his PSP (PlayStation Portable) and read his book - The Spy Who Came In From The Cold by John Le Carre. I thought that was kind of fitting for the department responsible for anti-terrorism and home security.

Not quite up there with Pete Waterman and my sexual encounter with Sarah Lancashire but still a pleasant way of passing the time.

And, my car wasn't clamped after all and I was home in time to see Paul Scholes' goal against Barca!!

Jerusalem Lost

So, according to this morning's BBC Breakfast News (thankfully without smarmy Bill Turnbull, scourge of news presenting), there are plans afoot within the church to ban the singing of the hymn, "Jerusalem" by William Blake. They are doing so on the grounds that it isn't really a hymn because it does not praise God enough and because, in reality, it is merely a poem meant as a social comment at the time of writing, set to music. They also do not seem to like it because it is nationalistic.

Are they mad!? I must admit that I should declare a personal interest here. "Jerusalem" is probably my favourite hymn. Do not get me wrong, I am neither religious nor a regular churchgoer. I am not, however, without belief and nor do I look down upon people who have a faith in any way. I am still seen booted and suited in churches at weddings, christenings and unfortunately too regularly funerals, and, the occasional Christmas carol service. I also like to visit churches and cathedrals when I am out and about on holiday. "Jerusalem" though, was the official hymn of my university college (Queen's Oxford), and, was sung at my wedding (it truly was a beautiful service). When it is truly belted out by people who can hold a tune (which excludes myself for sure) it still sends shivers down my spine and makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. It is rousing and emotive.

Not religious enough? Have they not read the lyrics? Firstly there is reference to the possibility of Jesus having visited England in a second coming together with Joseph of Aramethia when they were headlining together at the first Glastonbury Festival. You can read all about it in the Book of Revelation.

Now don't start me on that whole conspiracy theory thing. The one that goes Jesus was not the son of God but a political leader who did not die on the cross; he was married to Mary Magdalene and they had a child; that the whole Grail Mystery thing is actually a corruption of the term Sang Royale meaning "royal blood" and referring to the bloodline of Christ which was protected at the battle of Masada, founded the Merovingian dynastyin France and ultimately is all tied up with the Freemasons, etc, etc. Or something like that. Go read Holy Blood Holy Grail and you'll get my meaning.

But I digress. Even if you read Blake's words as a denial of the second coming it does at least then go on to say that we should build a new Jerusalem in England. Heaven on Earth. That, I would have hoped, was something that the Christian churches in England be they Protestant or Catholic should adhere to and aim for.

And, why would you want to ban one of the few hymns that people seem to enjoy singing? You might as well just sell the pews for firewood right now, lock the doors and give the lead on the roof to a deserving cause. Why does being in church need to be so gloomy and dull? Now, I am not calling for us to get all happy clappy, dancing with snakes, or growing our beards and sitting in circles holding hands and singing "cum by ya my Lord" but at least let the faithful sing something with a bit of emotion, something stirring, a bit of umph.

And what on Earth is wrong with being nationalistic, or should I say, proud of our nation! It isn't saying that we are better than anyone else. There are no references to disliking the Germans or of bombing Iraq. It just says that we should build something better here than what we have. Amen to that! It is the anthem of the Womens' Institute for Heavens sake.

Rant over.......I guess it must have been a "quiet news" day. At least it was on BBC Breakfast.
ps. Free the Birmingham Two! Karen Brady and David Sullivan are innocent (I hope).

The World Has Gone Mad!

I think it is official - the world has gone mad. Any quick scan of the world news will verify this.

Most bizarre of all is the story in the US of a man who is having a baby. Pregnant. With child. A man!?!This is the story of one Thomas Beatie who appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show to tell us (presumably in return for loads of money) the wonderful tale of his "miracle" pregnancy.

Apparently, despite having his/her breasts reduced some 10 years or so ago and having a good dose of testosterone (good enough to provide him/her with a rather unimpressive goatie), Thomas declined the kind of surgery that would have completed his/her transition - such as sowing some bits up and growing some balls. Well, I am no surgeon but you get my drift.

So, it would seem that this is a rather nonsense story as Thomas is still very much a woman, with working womens' bits (like a womb and a vagina). Perhaps a more realistic headline would have been "Bearded Lady!". It is all a bit like a scene from the comedy show, Little Britain.

Almost as unbelievable is the fact that Robert Mugabe seems to think that he can get away with yet another blatant rigging of the presidential elections in Zimbabwe. How does he get away with it? Why does the world let him get away with it? He is an oppressor as bad as any Saddam Hussein, who has ethnically cleansed this once great country (of the old colonial whites) that once fed the continent of Africa, and brought it to its knees. Inflation at over 1000%, the people starving, his opponents beaten up and jailed on a whim, and foreign journalists banned from reporting there. And, the rest of the world seems content to let the 84 year old tyrant get away with it. I guess that means there is no oil to be had there then. I'm not sure they'll be hosting the Olympic Games there in the near future though. So much (again) for Labour's so-called ethical foreign policy.

Meanwhile, back in the so-called civilised world, the great national laughing stock which is Heathrow Airport Terminal 5 continues to roll on a week after its opening. Flights are still being cancelled, bags are still not being delivered. Neither of which goes down well at an airport. One rather amusing twist today, however, was the fact that the once great supermodel Naomi Campbell, upon finding out that two of her bags had been mislaid, threw a hissy-fit, and spat at a police officer before being evicted from her plane and banned by British Airways. I wonder if her mom is proud of her!?

Let's do the world a favour and lock these weirdos away for a while. We could stick them all in the same house and film them for our amusement. We could call it something like Celebrity Big Brother!

Mad! Mad! Mad!